Chris & Diah

September 19, 2013

"Marriage scares me. Let alone doing it, the thought of it alone scares me. When you marry someone you agree to submit, open up, be honest and live in loyalty to one person for the rest of your life. No more secrets and lies between you and your spouse. When you have trust issues like I do, all those things scares you. It seems so uncomfortable and burdensome. I fear marriage."

I posted that photo along with the caption underneath it as my thought on Kak Diah's wedding. And Kak Diah's been writing A LOT in her own blog about her wedding and she posted one for me. So first and foremost... Happy wedding to Kak Diah and Chris! I pray for nothing but abundant blessing upon your marriage~

Anyway, so I thought it would only be fair to return her good intention with a blog post also. So here is what I have to say about Kak Diah and I...

"This is what Padang Gurun really is. All the burden, and no GOD. No touch. We can't see, hear, touch. DO repent in things you know you've done wrong, but keep pressing on...

you just need to rest, Q.
you need a hug.
and because we tend to cover up everything, we never get one.

...intinya: There is no shortcut. More often your life is built from small things occured in the past.

...because I know, it's not chitterchatter that's going to heal you. Meeting more friends, talking about more topics, doing more activities won't heal you, Sarah Chrisya Sabaru.

You need to soak, be still, and know that He is God.

....You don't have to open your mask in front of everybody, but do open it in front of someone you trust..."

* * *

This was sent to me years ago from Kak Diah. She may, or she may not realize... But she holds quite a big space in my heart. I have NEVER open up to anyone the way I did to her. We have weird way of communicating, and most of the time I don't remember what we've talked about, BUT... this message she sent me is still saved in my stickie note, to remind me every single time I am burning out.

Kak Diah was my gembala komsel (I have no idea what that is in English). She lead me for oh gosh 6 years? in KM and boy... phew! That was one hell of a journey. She's no longer my gembala and I'm not in any komsel either as for the moment. It's amazing that even though years have passed, we managed to be able to pick things up where we left it. Then it made think of all the friendships and relationships that I have so far, and I decide to put my thoughts here.

Maintaing friendship requires grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance. Which is a lot of work! Which is also why people opt to make enemies instead of friends, because it is less troublesome. Even friends with a lot of things in common may come to a disagreement and argue. Friendships that have been going on for years may be left stranded because of differences and misunderstanding.

So how is it that we were able to maintain this friendship? And how is this message that she shared with me is still so & very relevant to me. And why is that so? I thought about it and this is the conclusion that I have come up with.

Relationship or fellowship built upon and within God's love lasts longest. 

I'm no preacher and I'm no theological graduate also. But, the church of God is made of a lot of friendships. And it is beautiful. "Members of congregation are actually diverse friends from a variety of backgrounds who stick together in tough times, who bring out the best in each other and who collaborate in missional effort, despite their differences, out of obedience to a common faith conviction."

And why is this message she gave me is still relevant for me? Because it is not HER words. It's the words of God that was put through her, to remind me of what I needed to do. The words of God is forever lasting and forever relevant.

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I am not, by any means, saying that my other friends outside of the church is not as valuable. I am blessed with each and every friendships that I have, and each relationships that I have contributed in making me to be the person that I am today. Kak Diah happens to hold larger portion as she was very much involved through my spiritual and daily growth during one of my toughest times in life.

So, thank you Kak Diah. For leading, teaching and sharing your life with me. Even until your wedding day you taught me to have faith; that one day I will also be able to overcome my own fear of marriage. I will later on take the leap just as you did. Thank you for the many examples you've shown me, I will follow as I always have~ :)

I am forever thankful for this blessed friendship. 

And for all of you, pray for your friendships. Ask God to give you the grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance to handle each and every person you meet. Human can be very tiring to handle, ask God to help you with your friendship. Or any relationship, in fact. Marriage, family, brothers-sisters, etc.

P.S: I write wayyyyyy more emotional than what you wrote LOL; it feels a little unfair!

xo, Chrisya S.

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