Slut shaming sucks

February 4, 2016


source: http://carabloomblogs.blogspot.co.id/2015/03/end-girl-hate.html


We all know the saying: "Treat people the way you want to be treated". You see, I have a tendency to not only see the best in everyone but also to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching their highest potential. So I thought that if I follow those words and just be nice, kind, and honest, everyone would respond in kindness. Sadly, that is not how the world works. I went through, and still am going through times where people disappoint me and showed me their nasty sides. But even having been through it many, many, times, I still wish that maybe the next person is different, the next  person might show me a different side. But no... People aren't like that. A LOT of people aren't like that.


I have seen many nasty things people have done towards others, but one thing that I could never understand is: why do some people feel the need to degrade or hurt other people for their own amusement?

There are A LOT of matters that you can joke and laugh about. Laughing at cartoon, comedy movies, your own past mistakes are okay. But having to degrade or hurt other people's life, lifestyle choices, or other people's relationship only so you can laugh about it... That's very low. We have the option to encourage or discourage with our words, yet some chose otherwise. I found it appalling that certain labels with negative connotations are being thrown around way too casually nowadays. Labelling other people is not a laughing matter. What's even more sad about it is that, there are A LOT of people do not realise that these labels hurt feeling and it is kind of like the self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have been labelled with various things: stupid, weird, skeleton, too skinny, ugly, unattractive, mean, evil, sharp tongued, arrogant, etc. But recently I found that I have been labeled as gold-digger, "service girl" and I was questioned whether I was fit to be married with or was I just someone to screw with? Finding out about this, I have been constantly haunted and struggling to convince myself that I am nothing like the things people said about me.

Slut bashing/shaming, refers to repeated acts of harassment, usually verbal, that is conducted by peers, and it's hostile, and malicious, in which a women is targeted and labeled "the slut" or "the hoe". The attempts to elicit feelings of inferiority or remorse when attacking a woman's perceived or actual sexual behavior or feelings.

Those people were... men. This infuriates me. Some men think it's okay to slut shame women. They call us bitch, whore, cunt... and that is all 'just for fun' of course. I dwelled in this matter for about 3 months now, and I finally realised... I, too, thought this was just boys being boys. I actually thought it was okay until two months ago. Then it finally hits me. It shouldn't be normal. NOT AT ALL. And I refuse to be okay with it. Even if they say it was a joke. 

My parents raised me to be strong and independent. So at first, I brushed away those words since I thought that I'll get through it like I always have. But after few weeks, I realised those words haunts me. I mean... I realise that I am not an easy person to love. Although I seem to be easy going, but I can be very neurotic in real life. So I guess there's bound to be complains about me. But those particular words confused me... I'm not sure what I did wrong? I was confused that there are people making assumptions that I am a 'slut' or that I was sleeping around with that guy and this guy, that I am an easy person with no self-respect. I keep telling myself that I am nothing like those words, but I found myself kept on asking what made them say those words? What was it that I have done that triggered those thoughts in them? Was it my clothing? My words? My attitude? Which part of me was "wrong"?

After interrogating myself and after thinking long and hard, I remind myself that those people does not even know me personally and whatever it is they said about me, have never happened. Then I finally realised: those who called me names in attempt to make a 'joke', doesn't realise and are not aware, the gravity of their insult. Those 'bashers' and 'shamers' don't fully grasp the power of their words (a problem many of us need to know, including me). They were throwing around jokes saying that I sleep around, or after a man for his possession, and they thought it was okay to say those things.

"Slut-bashing is a cheap and easy way to feel powerful. If you feel insecure or ashamed about your own sexual desires, all you have to do is call a girl a "slut" and suddenly you're the one who is "good" and on top of the social pecking order." [Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation, p: 238.]

Slut bashing/shaming is what some men do to reinforce their dominance over women by humiliating them. By slut bashing/shaming someone, a person is basically communicating: "I can do or say anything I want to you, and it does not matter how inappropriate and uncomfortable it makes you feel, there's nothing you can do about it". It is worrying that there are people who are okay with it.

* * *

But there's an even more worrying and sad part to this slut bashing/shaming practice. Some women practice this to each other as jokes also. Women calling their best friends as "main bitch" or "best hoe", not realising they're using sexualised labels for themselves and their dearest. It's sad that the group of victims of this practice is contributing in it also.

I wish more women will choose to empower each other rather than bring down one another. If every women would realise that we are more than our sexual lives, we should remind each other about it. We have so many other labels that are way more positive to call each other with, such as: achiever, winner, victor, conqueror, the brave, the kind hearted, the smiley the fun-to-be-around-with, caring, understanding, and so much more... We could all start defining every women powerful, unique and strong and also equal to men. We are not an object. We are more than sexual object. We are a person. 

* * *

I hope through this writing both men and women will understand the weight of the labels they call someone upon. The next time you are about to label a women a slut, bitch, whore, cunt... just think before you speak. In fact, if you're reading this... just take a moment right now to stop and think, and make a decision to not label someone carelessly. You don't know what a women have been through... she might have low self-esteem without your mockery, and she has been hurt many times that she's actually weak inside. Words hurt. When you have the choice to say nice things and be supportive, why say negative things and put other people down?

And I hope together we could ask others to stop this. If you hear any of your friends or colleagues call other women or even men with those terms, ask them to stop. Explain to them that this needs to stop. And it needs to stop NOW. This could happen to yourself, to your sister, brother, friends, even your own boyfriend or girlfriend. Help stop slut bashing/shaming.






(NOTE: This writing is a result of lesson and healing I'm going through for the past 4 months (still on-going) - examples taken out of my own experiences, reflections and lessons. I, too, am guilty of this practice in the past... but I am trying to stop this practice as of now and will continue to promote and gather people to join to stop this)

4 comments

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Taufik! :)

      Thank you for stopping by my blog, do come again!

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  2. Sarah! Beautifully Written! :) I love it and I feel so sorry you feel this way. Don't listen to those bad words, dear. You are not define by people words. You are the daughter of The King, The Most High ��

    Just to share, you know, I've been through a lot of struggle as well. Trust me all those jokes made me become an insecure person. Well, I know it depends on every person, some people will not take a joke as a serious matter. But for me, all the jokes that have been thrown at me so many times made me think "If I really that person".
    The casual jokes that has been going on forever is body shamming and beauty shamming. Those, I got it so many times, even some people in my family. I realize that I did these stuff too, and now I am in the process of healing, (I think in this case I will never stop learning, I will always be better everyday :))

    My point is, it's better to keep my mouth shut when I don't have nothing nice to say. Because we will never know people who say a joke as a joke or say a joke with a little meaning behind it!

    Keep writing! I love your post ��

    Love,
    Stefie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Stefie! Sorry for this late reply. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading my post, and also thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it. I am really glad that you loved it.

      I would say 'sorry that you had to go through such experience', but I'm sure we both go through these experiences because we're suppose to turn our tests into testimony and our mess into messages. We're both still in healing process, and hopefully we'll reach the point where we can fully forgive and love those who made us feel this way.

      You are too, the Daughter of THE King. I hope you remember that every day when you wake up. And no matter what jokes or bad remarks people tell you, as long as you've done your part in keeping yourself healthy, then you're perfect!!

      I agree with that. If you don't have anything nice to say, then it's better to not say anything.

      I will try to keep writing (regularly). hahaha. it is hard though... wish me lcuk!
      Do visit my blog again next time!

      xoxo,
      Sarah Chrisya.

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